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[batburgers]

[BEEP]

Not in. Leave a message. I might care enough to call you back. Maybe.

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

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[What you think he's not cultured enough to enjoy penpals?]

Comments

encrypted video;

[cassassin]

[okay, she knows things are. troubled. between jason and bruce, but.]

So... Father's Day is soon. [that seems...like a safe enough? way to start to broach an idea? she winces as soon as she says it, though. cass is extremely bad at this.]

encrypted video;

[batburgers]

[Wow Cass. Way to be the least subtle person ever. And he thought Dick was terrible at this sort of thing. But Jason plays it cool.]

Do they even celebrate holidays like that around here?

[cassassin]

[she wasn't going for "subtle" so much as "not horribly awkward", but she didn't manage either.]

They do. [firm and matter-of-factly.]

[batburgers]

[There is no way this wouldn't be awkward. Not even Dick could avoid that.]

So? You got plans?

[Not asking if she wants to do something or if she intends to have plans with him. Not going to leave an opening for her to drag him into something until he has an idea what she's got in mind.]

[cassassin]

Card. Past that, don't know yet.

Any ideas? [c'mon jason. c'mooooonnnnn.]

[batburgers]

[Ugh, does he have to? He lets out a little sigh.]

Find some case he can devote his night to with you or something. You know his priorities aren't normal. If you can do better than Dick Grayson near a stove I'd say make him food. He's used to having everything homecooked and there's no Alfred here making sure he feeds himself more filling than protein bars and justice.

[cassassin]

I can cook. Kind of. [she nods though, letting out a sigh.]

I just... [focusing. vocalizing and making it not a bunch of filler words.] Dick was here. Last time. Not yours or mine. Different Bruce, too.

It was easier. He was... better at this, than me.

[batburgers]

[Jason remembers M telling him about the other Baby Robin that showed up here. The Little Grayson who of course was still somehow perfect in every way. He lets out a derisive snort.]

Of course he was. Getting showed up by a toddler, there, Cass. But you're asking the wrong person. Only thing Bruce and I agree on is how greasy to get our post-crook-punching burgers.

[cassassin]

[She raises an eyebrow. Trash food is a topic she understands.]

How greasy? [was this the point? no. is she going to pursue this? yes.]

[batburgers]

Greasiest food from the same dive we've been going to as long as we've known each other. You could probably find something like it around here. Every big city's got one.

encrypted text;

[aboveand]

Look I know you think I'm some kind of twip or something, and I REALLY hate to admit this but

You're probably the only person I can turn to right now about this.

I think

I think I just befriended the Penguin???????????????

I still don't know how this happened

encrypted text;

[batburgers]

What the hell are you doing with your life that Penguin looks like friend material?

[aboveand]

I was TRYING to get him to piss him off and leave me alone.

It backfired in a spectacular fashion that has even Ace judging me.

[Attached: One judgmental dog photo.]

[batburgers]

You should have let the dog do the talking. Penguin isn't a fan of any pet he hasn't trained to kill for him.

I can't believe this. B is judging you from across the multiverse. I know it.

[aboveand]

Look, I was doing great. I kept screwing up his name and getting him real riled.

Was he the MAYOR for you guys?! No wonder your world is so messed up!

[batburgers]

Mayor? Hell no. He ran for Mayor but the guy couldn't buy enough votes.

Unless someone shot him with a Cupid Arrow of Bromance, there is no way you should have messed this up this bad.

[aboveand]

Yeah well he introduced himself to me as Mayor of Gotham. Then acted like he expected me to know him. When I didn't he got pissed.

Then he got this real sad look asking about his mom and... dude he wasn't screwing with me. I made something up about a park.

After that we were apparently besties before I could blink.

[batburgers]

God you bleeding heart. Who did you take Batman lessons from, Dick Grayson?

Tell me he at least has no idea your one of the Bats flying around.

[aboveand]

Never actually met Dick. Met Mr. Drake a few times, and the commissioner obviously--Barbara not her dad--but Dick's stayed in Blud this whole time.

[He thinks. Honestly, Terry has no idea where Dick is now.]

And wow okay see

This is why I should never have come to you for advice.

[batburgers]

My advice would be put a bullet through his head, but I know Bats don't like to make things easy on themselves.

But unless he's got his personal army behind him, or he's got some crazy super powers from this nutjob of a world, Cobblepot isn't much of a threat. Block him on bwitter and deny his friend requests.

[aboveand]

Through Dick Grayson? That seems a bit extreme for just disappearing for like 20 years.

[Yes, he knows you mean the Penguin.]

This better not become another Victor Fries situation.

[batburgers]

I tried to put one through him for less probably.

[Always hard to remember what he was trying to kill one Bat or another for back then.]

What, did you get Doctor Chill and Kill as a stalker in your world?

[aboveand]

And you're surprised the old man let ME in the batcave?

The opposite, actually. Bruce appointed me his personal stalker after he was revived. The guy was genuine about wanting to turn over a new leaf, but...

People kept pushing him back into villainy.

[Terry can still see him die. Yeah, Mr. Freeze did some horrible things, but that man... he was genuinely trying to change.]

[batburgers]

Who said he lets me near the cave? I sneak in to get what I want.

[And Alfred keeps everyone's secrets, even from Bruce.]

Fries is nothing like Penguin. Fries became a criminal out of circumstance. Penguin is a scumbag excuse for a human being who wants power over others to the point he doesn't care who he stomps under his overpriced shoes to get it.

[aboveand]

How do you think I got my suit in the first place?

[And he didn't even need Alfred to do it.]

And yet people elected him mayor.